Discovering what love is one day at a time
Often when talking to someone that is working on their sobriety, you may hear them say “I relapsed.” A relapse is turning from the direction you are going, and returning to the old behavior that you stopped, its also the re-occurrence of the symptoms of a disease. Oftentimes, a person that is working on their sobriety may experience the physical symptoms of the needs and desires of their flesh craving the substance that they gave up. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where a person has to decide am I done, or not? What do I really want? What am I living for? What will the consequences of my actions be? Is it worth it?
My experience the other day in the drive thru, was a partial “relapse” and a reminder to me what it looks like and feels like to be a “zombie.”
Let me explain what I mean. I have put my faith in Christ Jesus and what He did for me on the Cross, which means that I was dead(diseased) in my sin, but because of what He did for me, I now have eternal life ,not just now, but when my physical body dies, I will be with Him for eternity. So that being said, the Biblical truth that is true now is I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live; yet not I, it is Christ that lives in me, and the life I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me. My old ways of thinking feeling and deciding died with Christ, and in that included living for the moment, living for immediate reward, living to satisfy myself. The really cool thing about living for God is that you are constantly rewarded now. But that is just because God is that good and it is His nature to bless His kids.
Foolishness is this…allowing three year old behavior to run rampant through our minds. (I want I need I must have…and if I do not get what I want I am going to make sure you know that I am not getting what I want.) This foolishness is symptoms of the diseased flesh desires that lead to the death of our souls.
Really, it’s just impiety; it’s a lack of reverence for God. And my drive thru experience showed me mine. My momentary need for comfort and reward in my mind, the need for justice, a self-fulfilling desire; allowing that which God has deemed dead, I resurrected for just a moment. For what? At what cost, and really was it worth it? Nope, not at all. So for me, I am telling myself to just “Die Already!” Then I am asking Him to search me and see what it is in me that thinks it knows more than Him. What is it…in this life that my mind thinks is worth turning back for? What is it in me that does not believe all of His wonderful and complete promises?
If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?
Remember Lot’s wife?
Just encouraging myself in this today and remembering that this life is just for a moment, I will give an account to Him for every action, thought, and deed. And my heart’s desire is that He would be well pleased. I want to surrender all to Him, because He is faithful. I want my focus to be on eternity. His is, obviously so, He desired for all of us to be there with Him, and in order for that to happen, He denied Himself and died on the cross for me. He is not asking me to be crucified physically, He is only asking me to crucify my flesh desires, so that others can see Him. Heaven is going to be awesome no matter what…how much more awesome will it be with everyone there. So thankful for His grace that tosses our sin as far as the east is from the west. So thankful for His Spirit to guide us and correct us, so thankful that He has placed us all together so we can learn how to love.
So will you pray for me?
I don’t want to walk in the weakness of my flesh. (ZOMBIE)
I want to walk in the strength of His grace.
I have been married to my wonderful husband for 22 years. We have two boys ages 18 and 13.. This blog is somewhat of a journal and attempt for me to keep a purposeful perspective on life as a whole.