Discovering what love is one day at a time
I was sitting on the deck with my neighbor today…and her dog had this toy that every time he bit into it, it sounded like a strange bird crying…
It reminded me of myself, and the attitude that I get sometimes when I cannot understand or wrap my mind around, or submit to the meekness that Christ is trying to build in me.
My heart’s desire is that I will be like Him. However when I think of His sacrifice on the Cross and how He did not fight back, not even one bit, I am embarrassed at how weak and sinful I am. I believe that true meekness is a sign of strength; strength that is directly from God. It is the ability to not take control, but to wait completely on the Spirit of God. So that when you do act, it is by His Spirit, His leading, and His direction. It is with pureness of heart, correct motives, and perfect love.
I do not know what your experience is, but there are a couple of places in my heart that when something hurtful happens, I still squeak, like that toy. I am vocal, and share my complaint. I do not rest in the quietness that He has provided for me. My mouth is open, and my trying to figure it out exposes things that should remain covered. Love covers a multitude of sins…it doesn’t expose. It blesses and does not curse. Love does not rob or steal, or expose for its own gain.
It is in that place of hurt, that my responsibility is to fall on my face before the Lord, and talk to Him about my hurt. It is my responsibility to cry out for wisdom and understanding; to pray for the person and for opportunity for restoration for our relationship, and for theirs with Him. It is my responsibility to shut my mouth and not be a busybody in the affairs of the one who has sinned against me. Just because it involves me, does not give me the right to place myself in position to supervise the progress of the relationship, nor expose the faults, and actions of the other.
As silly as the sound of the squeaky toy is, the seriousness of the matter is that it is still sin. It is still transgression unto God. It is my pride, my need for control, and my desires that are keeping me from obedience unto Christ. It is my responsibility to humble myself under God’s mighty hand.
And so Father, I repent for my need to control this situation in my mind, for not trusting my emotions thoughts and feelings to you, for being so prideful, and exposing this matter to other ears other than yours, for being a voice of accusation, and not blessing, for not covering another with love. For opening my mouth when it should have remained shut. And I thank you Lord, that you are the God of all grace, and you are working to perfect, establish and strengthen and settle me, that you are faithful, even in my unfaithfulness.
I have been married to my wonderful husband for 22 years. We have two boys ages 18 and 13.. This blog is somewhat of a journal and attempt for me to keep a purposeful perspective on life as a whole.